She has what?... on her brain? A tad more serious blog and a tad long.

First, before I even get started, let me inform you that everything is now fine and Ella has been given a clean bill of health… However, for several weeks DH (Dear Husband) and I were left in healthy little one limbo.

Here we go. After waiting for several weeks for what we could only assume would be positive ultra sound results DH and I went to our midwife appointment. Of course the results had yet to be sent in, but the midwife scurried out of the room in hopes that she would get them before the end of our appointment. In the meantime, she poked at my uterus, checked the heart beat and gave me the news that I had really low blood pressure, and should I feel dizzy should sit down so that I would be closer to the ground – I love practical advice.

Once the results were in, we were given reassurance that everything looked good and that baby was right on target with my due dates – as had been assumed after the reassuring u/s technician had told me that she couldn’t tell me anything, but that I didn’t have anything to worry about… then came the however… However, something had been detected on the u/s, but we shouldn’t worry. Technology has advanced so much that u/s can pick up small things now…

Then we were told that little Ella had bilateral choroid plexus cysts on her brain, a marker for possible chromosomal abnormalities, such is the case with downs syndrome.

The midwife was reassuring, telling us that it happens a lot and that it was up to us as to whether or not we would have another u/s. Of course DH and I decided to have another u/s and the midwife set us up to go to Ottawa in a few weeks time – long enough apart from the previous u/s that the cysts might have “taken care of themselves” and disappeared, as is normal in the majority of cases.

As DH and I left the midwife’s office we both spent the trip home taking turns reassuring each other that the little one would be fine. We both decided at this point that until we knew more we would keep it on the down low so that we would not be plagued by concerned, caring and curious friends and family about the situation and so that we didn’t give anyone else the need to worry until we knew more.

Boiling with curiosity about what the results of this u/s might mean for our new bundle of joy I decided to cancel my plans to travel to Ottawa that evening for dinner with the girls. I called them and explained to them in as little detail as I could why I was cancelling plans for a dinner that we had planned for weeks and that was supposed to take place in only a few hours. I felt like a dick – they understood.

Pen in hand and google open I situated myself in front of the computer and began my hunt for answers. I found both good and bad. For one, the cysts are just one marker for downs, but in order for a child to have downs there are traditionally several markers. I also found out that the cysts are a marker for another abnormality that causes infant death within the first year of life. However, in all cases the cysts just increased our chances (from 1 in 1000 pregnancies to 1 in 300 with those having the marker).

After feeling slightly satisfied that I could now go to my baby shower without blurting out “something is wrong with my baby.” I armed DH with my info and then made the call to my mother bear – the one person that no matter how hard I tried not to let anyone know that I was worried about something would know the second she stepped off the plane… I told her and then I told her that we couldn’t talk about it, leaving her to also worry in silence.

The next morning at 3:00 am I headed into Ottawa to catch my flight for the best baby shower ever! And I had a fabulous time.

Returning back to Petawawa DH and I barely spoke about the upcoming u/s and when we did there was a sense that there was no point of worrying until after the results were in… and we went on reassuring each other that our gut feeling was that she would be fine.

The weeks went on, and on, and on and on.

With DH unable to attend the second u/s with me my mama bear literally flew in to save the day (although one of the girls that I canceled on for my Ottawa dinner did say she would come with me for moral support should I have to attend alone)…

And on Tuesday with mama bear in tow and a very full bladder I got to see my little girl again J I had assumed that the u/s technician would not tell me anything, but to my delight and surprise she told me that the cysts were no longer there!

Immediately, a weight that I didn’t even know existed was removed from my shoulders and I did the happy dance back to the car and sent DH the best news ever! Once again our baby girl was healthy… Of course the u/s technician told us that the results will have to be reviewed by the doctor, but whatever.

The moral of the story is that I have always been a true believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance.

During the weeks that we waited to find out if something was indeed wrong with our little girl I questioned why we would be put through the stressful curiosity of not having the knowledge but kept the mantra that everything happens for a reason in the back of my head.

Once I was told that everything was fine the machines in my brain clicked and I realized that maybe we were told that something could be wrong so that we could appreciate things a little bit more – appreciate the fact she is now likely to be a healthy baby and not take it for granted (I spent the first few weeks of my pregnancy calling her “retard baby” jokingly because of the copious amounts of alcohol that I assumed prior to knowing about her existence). I don’t think I will do this anymore.